Mama's Always on Stage

My husband recently quoted this Arrested Development song title to me, acknowledging the fact that being The World's Most Important Human to Henry means that I'm pretty much "on" all the time.

It's exhausting and sometimes a little claustrophobic being "Mama" constantly. It means the person I was pre-Henry isn't front and center any longer. I don't go see bands anymore. I don't spend hours reading books. I don't hang out in coffee shops and read the paper. I don't spend time with my husband watching movies.

What I do instead is pee with a little one clinging to my leg. I sleep with him pressing closer and closer to me until I'm on one edge of a queen-sized bed. I eat with him balanced on one knee, trying to grab my plate. I shop with him on my hip in the Hotsling. I read the newspaper with him thinking it's a fun game to pull it out of my hands and strew it all over the floor. I wait to shower until my husband is around.

But the thing about attachment parenting is that while sometimes I miss my old life, I love being Henry's mama even more.

I recently read a quote by Kim Pekin, president of Natural Family Boutique, that sums it up nicely: "I think that love of parenting is one of the biggest benefits of attachment parenting....[while] 'detachment' style parenting makes parenting into a job, another thing on your list of things to do."

I've told my husband that occasionally I wish I could put Henry on "pause" for a few hours or a day. It would be nice to go out and get a massage, take a long nap by myself, read away the afternoon, go see a band at night -- but I don't want to be away from Henry, worrying that he's sad or confused or just plain doing stuff without me.

So I'll continue to be front and center in my role as Mama, partly because Henry needs me, partly because I know this time is temporary, but mostly because, demanding as it is, I want to.